Posts tagged ‘paint’

May 15, 2011

A new day – Part 2

Image via Poppytalk

So now that I have some time to actually organize and put my thoughts in a coherent form, I’m excited to share my second journey with whomever reads this little blog!

I’ve always been interested in art and it has been near and dear to my heart since I was a kid. I didn’t receive any “formal” training until late high school at the recommendation of a very encouraging art teacher (Mr. Crooks – you’re the reason I’m still doing art!). I even had intentions of attending a fairly prestigious art school on the west coast, and was accepted for studies there but for a list of reasons didn’t attend the school. I regret it to an extent, but also look at my freedom I have with my art now and am thankful that it’s never become a burden or a task to me. 

That all being said my second journey isn’t nearly that exciting to most, but to me it’s absolutely thrilling! I’ve made a conscious decision to re-direct my free time back into my art work and into crafty-artsy type projects. This is where I find alot of my quiet time and feel at peace with my life. My artwork took a backseat to my life shortly after a 6 month push to get a 15 piece portfolio done for my school application. I was art-exhausted. I’d spent 20-30 hours a week working away on the perfect pieces that defined me as an artist to a board of discerning artists and teachers. I needed a break. Then I met my would-be future husband. Those who have had those relationships know how quickly it’s easy to ignore everything else in your life for the new found apple of your eye. Sadly, 3 years later, I’m just getting my art back into my line of focus. I’ve done a couple of paintings here and there, but it’s taken a real effort to get back into it. 

Part of it is due to my new medication and efforts to overcome my depression. Actually, the majority of it comes from this change. Being depressed made the idea of putting a pencil to paper a lot of work and defeat that I couldn’t handle. I knew I wasn’t at the same skill level I was prior and I didn’t want to see failure on paper. At least to me it would have been failure. The last couple months have changed this outlook and I’m realizing that I’m not painting and drawing and crafting for anyone else’s praise but my own.  I mean I feel self conscious about the fact that some of my paintings are hanging in my own house. My lovely husband encouraged me to put them up but I feel embarrassed by it. I’m not an overly proud person and the last thing I ever want to appear is pretentious or arrogant. So I’ve made the amends with myself that my art is for me and no one else. If someone else sees it, well okay that’s alright but I’m not about to boast if for the world. 

So who cares if it sucks? Who cares if I try a project and it comes out miserably? No one will know but me! And I’ll learn from the mistakes and frustration and errors, and move on to make something better.  Those that knew me in high school knew that my ideas were always a bit off the beaten path (the rain boot series anyone? 3 rain boots later…) so I need to learn to accept that my ideas may fail at first. That it may take a few trials to finally figure out works. 

I’m happy and content with my art life. It’s part of who I am and I’m starting to realize that it defines part of who I am. I am a visual person who wants to see visually appealing things. Hence why having a decorated home is important to me and to make my clothing choices to be unique. I like visual interest. Hopefully I’ll be making some more visual interest in the future!

Now off to paint some cans…. (my mind is planning as I type this!)

Real gold fears no fire,

Torrie xoxo

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